Hired maritime commandos show their ability to swim... away from their baby

CAIRO -- "Protect the baby" is a phrase used by corporate lawyers to describe their duty of loyalty to the corporate entity for which they they are employed. The same affirmation should seemingly apply to executive protection specialists and private security forces.

Despite Blackwater's horrid reputation for excessive force, they've managed not to lose a single baby under their protection. Apparently International Maritime Bureau has a different set of protocols; they require their former Royal Marine Commandos to jump overboard at the first sign of trouble.

The three hapless lads, pictured above, contracted to protect the Liberian-flagged Biscaglia, are seen after being plucked out of the Gulf of Aden by a responding French frigate. Somali pirates captured the freighter. Presumably, new hires at the Bureau are required to be excellent swimmers.

I'm taking swimming lessons tomorrow morning.

Another cowardly terrorist attack on Mumbai

NEW DELHI -- At least eighty Indian nationals and Westerners are dead in Mumbai as suspected Islamic or Hindu militants have reached out once again to kill and maim innocent bystanders and tourists. The world should respond with kindness and support for the citizens and business community in India, as they respond this sickening act and try to rebuild.

Sources tell The Schadenfreude Post that fighting between militants and security forces is continuing, hours after the first reported shots were fired.

Zimbabwe self-destructs as the world watches

CAPETOWN, S. Africa - Robert Mugabe joins a long list of indigenous dictators who have squandered a generation of their people and poisoned the well. Only a few decades ago, observers hoped that discarding the yoke of colonialism would reshape a continent in peaceful, productive ways--education, health care and social justice were expected to clear the path for the next generations to sustain themselves on plentiful natural resources and small-scale industrial output.

Instead, Zimbabwe's population is slowly starving to death (literally) and civil society is crumbling before the world's eyes. It is time for those who remain silent as Zimbabwe commits national suicide because of some misguided respect for a man who freed his people from colonial rule but imposed his own ruthless form of despotism. It is time for Mugabe to go.