Vice President Dick Cheney's office has been instrumental in promoting policies that skirted the Constitution by promoting the idea of "unitary executive power" in time of war, attempted to destroy the Central Intelligence Agency, burned agents who questioned Administration policies and took the United States into a vicious occupation of Iraq under false pretenses. Mr. David Addingon is currently Chief-of-Staff to Mr. Cheney and gained additional notoriety when he showed contempt for the rule of law as he testified before the House Judiciary Committee on June 26th. Mr. Addington agreed to sit down with The Schadenfreude Post for a brief interview after we told him that we were researchers looking into the biological causes of lack of recall from criminal suspects. TSP: Mr. Addington, please tell our readers a bit about your background.
DSA: Well first of all, I was born and raised in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I went to Duke University where I hung out with the lacrosse team. I'm sure you've heard how rowdy those guys can get sometimes. It wasn't until I served as counsel to Congressman Dick Cheney as we tried to hide all that Iran-Contra business in the eighties that I really developed the cast iron balls that I have today.
TSP: According to Jack Goldsmith, the head of the Office of Legal Counsel from 2003 to 2004, you once said that "we’re one bomb away from getting rid of that obnoxious court,” referring to the secret FISA court that oversees clandestine wiretapping. Is that accurate and did you mean that another terrorist act would be helpful in further destroying the Constitution rights of Americans?
DSA: I don't recall making that statement. Is doesn't sound like a statement that I would likely make. As you know, I have suffered some selective memory loss in recent weeks. Perhaps I might have made the statement that "we're one bowl away from getting rid of that obnoxious Frosted Flakes." That sounds like me.
TSP: As someone who has served in government for your entire career, don't you feel a little bit nostalgic about the Constitution?
DSA: The Constitution has been the bane of my existence. Once, I had our special ops guys kidnap some North Korean women for interrogation purposes. I had them placed in a room with a giant bed and made them do things that no West Point graduate has ever had performed on... Well, some pointy head lawyer told me that what I was doing was unconstitutional. That's bullshit. The Constitution only applies to Americans and I can tell you those North Korean women were happy to do what they did. I think they really liked my beard.
TSP: You seem to recall so much detail about certain acts you have committed but can't even remember whether you discussed torture on a trip to Gitmo that was designed to discuss torture.
DSA: It depends on what you mean by torture. Do you mean the scratching the chalkboard kind of torture or the burying guys alive kind of torture?
TSP: The latter.
DSA: Well, we have to defend democracy by any means necessary.
TSP: But isn't the erosion of civil rights, secret detentions and going to war under false pretenses sort of a contravention of the Constitution?
DSA: I'm sure you'd be happy if I said yes. But no, its not because the President is all powerful and Congress and the courts must bow before his majesty.
TSP: Where do you plan to go after President Bush leaves office.
DSA: Leave office. We're just one bomb away from another four more years. You'll see.
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