McCain declares war on liberal blogs

In a sweeping declaration of war, Senator McCain is organizing a "massive blitzkrieg to crush the vermin liberal bloggers." It is unclear whether McCain gave the launch codes of his anti-blog weapons to the military wing of his campaign or whether a rouge element of "Mad Max" Mel Gibson fans have stolen the codes in a attempt to create a blog war that will leave the leather-clad Gibsonites in charge of the Internet after the Republican and Democrat bloggers have killed each other off.

In fact, it is now clear that McCain's followers are pulling a play straight from Charlie Manson's play book and seek to create the blog equivalent of a race war between conservative and liberal bloggers. It is well known that McCain detests both liberals and traditional conservatives.

It is now becoming apparent that McCain secretly supports the Charlie Manson philosophy and plans to move people from the cities to rural love dens after he becomes president. Only woman who bear a striking resemblance to McCain mistress Vicki Iseman will be allowed in President McCain's personal love ranch. The blog division of his campaign has been tasked with the destruction of both liberal and conservative voices and are secretly negotiating with Mel Gibson to join the ticket for the general election.

After the McCain revolution, men and women will be required to wear Mad Max clothing and Mel Gibson will release daily diatribes against undesirables. After McCain dies of old age, Mr. Gibson would become President and he is expected to use his remarkable oratory skills to keep Americans in a trance-like state. The text below was passed to The Schadenfreude Post by a traditional conservative who was afraid that the Presidency might pass to a "bunch of spandex, leather cod piece wearing, nut jobs."

"Sons of America! I am Mel Gibson, and I see a whole army of my countrymen here in defiance of sanity. You've come to fight as Manson followers, and Manson followers you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight? Aye, fight and you may die in a hail of liberal blog arrows. Run and you'll live. At least awhile. And, dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell the liberal bloggers that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our cod pieces!"