Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez backed down today after encountering withering criticism of his plan to revamp the oil nation's intelligence agencies. The intelligence plan would have required citizens to answer questions under arbitrary interrogations and generally lowered the bar even further on the civil rights of its citizens. However, The Schadenfreude Post has learned that the Chavez plan was suspiciously similar to the intelligence transformation that President Bush pushed through Congress in the months after September 11. Bush's is said to be "fighting mad" that the Bolivarian dictator copied the American reorganization."You are not only a donkey, Mr. Danger, you are a cassava because your brain is inorganic and your private parts are crooked and yellow like a feral banana," Chavez announced in a press release, apparently referring to President Bush.
Chavez has been trying to cement control over the institutions of Venezuela as his popularity weakens after nationalizing several industrial companies and economic and foreign policy initiatives in Iran and elsewhere that siphoned funds away from his ambitious plans to improve the living conditions of working class residents, who make up his base of support.
A source in the White House told TSP that President Bush feels that Chavez is a scoundrel for stealing his rendition, eavesdropping and invasive intelligence techniques without giving him any credit for the visionary plan.
"The President feels that if Chavez wanted to clampdown on his citizens and create a police state, he should have thanked Bush for inspiring the proposal," said the source. "The President even likes the guy. After all, how can you really be mad at a dictator who calls you 'Mr. Danger.'"
Chavez reportedly plans to work towards detente with the United States if Bush allows his intelligence officers to learn interrogation techniques from U.S. contractor Blackwater.
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