Pentagon gets cozy with Hollywood, Part II

The Schadenfreude Post has learned from a source in the entertainment industry that Pentagon liaisons are pitching several unorthodox projects to Hollywood executives that could lead to further economic problems for the studios. Executives feel that some of the ideas are not marketable but are fearful of upsetting the vengeful civilian Administration military advisers.

TSP's source, who is fearful of being renditioned to Gitmo, agreed to provide a brief description of some of the Pentagon-pitched film projects on the condition that we alter a few details to hide the source's identity. The synopsis below is one sample from the Pentagon's wish list:

Cheney Goes Segway on the Taliban. In this action adventure, Vice President Cheney gets fed up with the overstretched military's efforts to finish off the Taliban in Afghanistan and orders the Air Force to launch him out of the rear of a C-130 Hercules at high altitude over Tora Bora. In the movie, Cheney forgets to attach his parachute as he accelerates his militarized Segway out the transport but is saved when he lands on a tribal villager's blanket that is being used as a makeshift trampoline for a child's birthday party. Upon landing, Cheney lifts his arms in mock surrender and a .50 caliber machine gun secreted in his underarms blasts away at the villagers. He then grabs a lone survivor by his pakol and orders him to take him to Mullah Omar. Cheney captures Omar but is unable to get the blind cleric to establish eye contact and "[censored] slaps" the Taliban leader into submission. Finally, Cheney convinces the former Taliban tribesmen to abandon their radical Islamic polemics and buy Segways to replace horses as a mode of transportation.