In a shocking update to conservative commentator Michelle Malkin's libelous attack on food celebrity Rachael Ray and Dunkin Donuts, The Schadenfreude Post has obtained photographic evidence of Ms. Malkin's own flirtation with terrorist garb. The undated photograph above was secretly photographed by a member of the intelligence community, who graciously offered the print to TSP, on the grounds that national security was potentially at risk if Ms. Malkin was allowed to continue with her charade as a conservative."We've suspected all along that Malkin is a double agent for the bad guys," said the intelligence source. "This photo shows that she clearly likes the feel of a soft terrorist keffiyah on her ass."
TSP has not been able to reach Ms. Malkin for a response. The intelligence source opined that her role as a terrorist propagandist may be to stir up anti-donut hysteria as preparation for the introduction of bin Laden brand bassma as a replacement for the fried dough treat that is irrevocably linked to law enforcement in the United States. This connection is considered unacceptable by the Al-Qaeda leadership. Getting rid of Rachael Ray was just an added bonus for Al-Qaeda, since Ray (with her Cajon ethnicity) may have been tempted to push beignets as a donut substitute.
This brutal game of spy craft and industrial espionage must cease. Donuts are a perfect embodiment of American ingenuity and the spirit of the free enterprise system. Foreign pastry ideas must not be allowed to disrupt the smell of cooking dough and sprinkles which have made our nation great. God save Dunkin Donuts.
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